Fine + 2 pts

"I think I loved you, but I forget the place."

I wish I could disappear and just come back to the same exact time I left it. Lately, my mood has been sky rocketing to different points. I've gotten a lot less of the "little nice amber" Not that I'm a total bitch, but I speak my mind a lot more and I don't care what anyone else says. I have a feeling this might get me in trouble soon with someone or mess things up with friends. I don't want that. At ALL.
I argue with myself daily and its like I have a second ego, I haven't talk to anyone for a while about how I feel. Usually I always talk to melissa, but lately I've been on my own. Lately my life has felt really empty, not all the way though. There is a feeling that I have shown the side of me that I never wanted to be. If anyone cares to hear... Bipolar fucking SUCKS. phew, thats out lol

I'm not content with myself... again
The only good part I guess is that I have caught it before it gets too bad. It probably isn't as bad as it seems from my point of view. I need to stop. I am really lonely but at the same time there are still people there.
I want, I need, to show that I am the person I want to be and what I want to do in life.
So my mom emailed a teacher and said I was bipolar. I haven't talked to that teacher since the last day of the 1st semester. I feel like I'm avoiding her, but I really want to see her. She really understood me and that I do try. There is something about her that makes me feel really good. Like I am meant for something. See, every time I express how I feel, it seems like I am over exaggerating, but I'm not. This is how I see things like this. I don't take them for granted, but I get scared. I don't want to lose it to my dumb swings.
We need to slow down and think about this...


~I miss you. I hope you know that.