First Breath After Coma

I don't tell a lot of people many things. I do it for a reason, like we all do. Somethings are just not meant to be told and others are the choice of you to express it or not. I keep many things to myself, I have for all my life. But through the process of growing up I have learned to bring down my barrier to life - no more hazardous thoughts of what could happen.
Lots of things have happened to me in my life and to the closest people to me; my family. As I'm sitting in my room with the nice cool breeze from the fan while listening to Explosions In The Sky, I'm thinking about many things and people. I told her because she is the only one I trust to keep that to herself. And thankfully she understands me. We understand each other. That's why we became so close. It made me smile when she said what she thought..
I suppose this could be a 'dirty little secret.' But I wish I was brave enough to come out with it, because it means so so much to me. This is new to me and I'm not sure if I'm ready to let it go into the world. At the same time... I feel bad about it.

I'm not the kind of person who tells other people/friends about what goes on with me in that subject, its just uncomfortable for me to say. Those moments are special to me and I don't want it to drift off.
All of this is probably not making any sense to whoever is reading this, but I just need to let it all out.
I'm not a good speaker, I listen. I look in your eyes and take in every word and emotion you put into what you are saying.
Sometimes I have nothing to say because I'm not sure that my word would do anything to help. But I just want them to know that I am always there for them. All of you.

This is a new chapter in my life and I am writing as I go along. Who knows, maybe this chapter will eventually become public, but I don't want anything to leave my pages just yet.

For the past few nights, I've been dying to go to sleep. Sleep calms me down and as I dream, life disappears, reality doesn't exist. Only my imagination. Maybe the dream might be scary or sad, all I know is that I have the ability to take anything and make something worth while. Its the way I free myself.
I've had dreams about the same things that have been happening lately and I thought that it was over, done with, never to be brought out again... but I was wrong.
That one moment, that one decision I made... awoke something that I haven't felt in such a long time. That fiery feeling in the pit of my stomach, climbs up my spine and reaches my head. Its like a drug, I never want it to stop. Part of me says that it will end eventually, but I don't want to think that way. Think of the NOW. Pull those thoughts away. At times I feel like I am showing too much. That my feelings are stronger, but I know that they care for me. I have to stop being scared to show my true self, my feelings, my thoughts.
That fiery feeling I was talking about.. won't go away when I'm around you. The flame inside me just grows and grows until I can't take it anymore.
The necklace has been around my neck and has never left. And I intend to keep you with me as well. Never Say Never.

I just want to know one thing..