Shame Shame.

You are right, I should know better. Its just that I have never felt that kind of safety at all in my life when I was younger. I always stayed in my room, hiding from the anger and hatred from the fighting of my parents. I've never told anyone those kind of things in detail. and I don't think I will on here... I will just say that I saw things that a child shouldn't have seen at that age.

and all because of my childhood is the reason who I am today, and why my family is so close together, why we dont talk to my other relatives. And that is also why I have never liked talking about my past. It just brings back memories that I have promised to close up.
This is the only excuse I have to offer for the way I am; that and genetically obtaining Bipolar disorder.
So I guess you can see now why I hold onto that feeling, why I hold onto people that never give something back, because I believe in them like I have to myself.. but I have to realize its not the same for everyone. its not that easy to understand someone.
It all brings tears to my eyes because I know what I should and should not do, but I just need that feeling sometimes to fill that hole. but that hole eventually dissolves after a period of time.
Its like... the only way I can put this is that its a drug I take, but I can't overdose so easily. But it eventually will do something to me. Hopefully I will catch it before it happens.

I used to be the most independent person I knew.
But ever since I've met certain people I have been able to open up.
It also has to do with the fact I am seeing a doctor for all this. She's helped but I kind of liked my old self better most of the times.

I smell tuna fish... ew I hate tuna fish....