We Insist

Today there was a practice lock down in school. K-9's came in and barked a few times in the senior hall way... that would happen lol
The odd thing though was that when a teacher said "From all I know, this might be the real thing", instead of having a sense of fear, but calmness. I was ready for anything. Virginia Tech continued to roll in my head. I looked at everyone around me as we maneuvered into the dark corner of the room. We needed more room because the desks were in the way so everyone couldn't get flat on the wall, so I voluntarily helped push the desks back, I was not scared or anything. I put others before myself in that moment. I would save them before myself. Maybe it was a bit much to think about, but that is how I felt.

Just now, I heard an engine running and it became louder and louder. It sounded like a plane engine... as it got closer and closer my muscles started to tense up and I had a feeling of "alright here it comes, the big bang is about to hit. Breathe and let it come." I have never felt so relieved. It was just a vehicle going by. My mind is in the state of disaster, I can't explain why, but it scares me.
Then today I was quite rude and mean. I feel like it was a bit harsh, and I saw a look of disappointment in my teacher's face towards my remark. Oh well, at least the person I told it too got my understanding that I was just messing around with him.
its 11.40 and I need to get some sleep. Rest on the topics that are racing through my mind.

Goodnight.