Love's Not A Competition

The first time this year-scratchthat-in a long long time, I have felt amazing about myself and everything around me.
Lately I wasn't feeling to good, kind of feeling selfish and just not wanting to be around people. and I feel bad, but at the same time, I'm fine with it. Yeah I was like that then but that was THEN, yeah like a couple days ago, but that's not my point! my point is that I should focus on what is at hand and stop dragging the past behind me.
I still see you in that way... I'm keeping a secret away from myself
Admitting this is really hard
I let it pass and get over it but when I see someone else there, I just get so up tight and regretful.
but now I know.

I used all this time and thought to build up something that I know can never happen.
You could say I am over this right now, but I know myself.. I will change my mind
There is this feeling when I get away, its just creeping right behind me. There is no way I can shut you out of my mind.
hah this makes me laugh. why couldn't I think like this a while ago? it would have saved me SO much trouble lol
oh well XD


Nate bought The Final Riot! and we cried.
well I cried more than he did lol. I mean, just listening to those words together, it meant a lot to me.
I love deep conversations. it makes me feel like I'm not alone
a reassurance you could say

yeah I can be serious with relationships, but that doesn't mean I can't be social in other places. I hate blaming myself on this but... go Bipolar! WOOO!
Every time a teacher would ask us "what three wishes would you wish for if a genie..blah blah" I used to always say I'd wish that bipolar disorder would vanish and everyone who had it will be rid of it.
I take that back. this is what makes us who we are, and I am proud with who I am.
Mental disorders can be a burden however, they can be really thankful. might not make sense to others, but I understand. but there are very few people reading this anyway so I don't think that matters right now XD

shhhh