Let us go faster.

Thoughts become so clogged up in my mind that everything slows down. And it becomes heavier and heavier because I don't have time to react to it all. I can't breathe.

But finally, today I could breathe a little better. Those heavy tears are still in me, but I'm savoring them for another time.
I become trapped in my own mind sometimes. And as I am steadying my pace with myself, everything around me is speeding around me and I can barely tell what's going on.

I say this a lot, but I really am a one on one kind of person. I can't just talk about something personal with me in the open and public, I can't trust anyone.
Anyone can hear something and take it the wrong way, or tell someone.

trust me I've seen it happen. And I know more than most people know.

I was told one time that I am very good at hiding my feelings, but at first I was ashamed.. but then I thought about it and I kind of glad I can do that.
no one really has to know who I am, if they want to well ask away. heh I don't mind...
well it depends on who you are.

I'm not just an open book that anyone can read. My pages are fragile and this story is still young, but they are so heavy with memories.
But I should say that my cover is strong.

I was thinking last night that I wish could just stop and freeze everything and everyone, but continue my life with someone else. and tell them whatever I feel.
so then my mind and thoughts are at the same level as someone else.


There are times where I want to get in a car and go anywhere. I don't care where
Hell lets drive to russia! that would be an exciting road trip.

I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!! but I can't
I don't have the money, the GPA or the support to go anywhere. And I'm not just talking about maryland, I'm talking about this country. I want to get off of this rock.
Go somewhere new and start a new life. My real life. Being an adult.
My life between childhood - young adult - and adult life are very different. And I know it.

I tend to go for the future because I hate the past. Or at least mine.
yet again, if it wasn't for that I wouldn't be who I am today.
So I guess at the same time I am thankful and I'm strong because of it.
but I don't like thinking about it..


so, as of right now I'm kind of done.. going to go continue listening to MSI and The Big Dirty.

yeah.